Dear Gabriel,

At the monastery today we looked in great detail at John 11­ – the Raising of Lazarus. This was the end of our retreat and it was only right that having looked last Easter at the parable of the Vine we should end with this. At first, reading these passages can be done almost too easily. It’s only with repeated readings and exegesis that the full majesty and depth of virtually every feature comes to the fore. And every sentence has another meaning.

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.

As I read this passage several times and imagined it and studied the picture exhibited in the Abbey Church, attributed to Borromeo, of the raising of Lazarus, an extraordinary coming of certainty and belief in the truth of the story came to me. I know that I have often doubted, but, dear Gabriel, I tell you that it is worth reading and pondering on. Something special might happen for you, too.

Yours,

Thomas

Dear Gabriel,

Try getting away occasionally and going on a retreat, even if only for a couple of days. I am at Downside at the moment. I love this place in its rural setting, especially at twilight, as the candles flicker around the Lady Chapel and the statue of Christ. I felt a need to go and sit where I could look at the Blessed Sacrament.

Looking at it, problems do not go away, but they do seem less significant – as if they could be wished away. Later, during Vespers, a chant: ‘Orare Pro Me,’ repeated itself again and again. A sharp determination to overcome problems became sharper still.

On Sunday I got up early, in the dark, and sat alone in the Abbey church before Lauds. A monk came and celebrated Mass alone in a side chapel whose light was a pin prick in the great dark Abbey. Again, I pondered problems and sought solutions. But the solution was there beside me in the Eucharist and its saving grace.

Yours,

Thomas

Dear Gabriel,

It is worth looking for a spiritual aspect even in non spiritual works. I was reading Tolkien’s The Two Towers for the upteenth time today. There is a lovely passage in the Window on the West when Frodo and Sam meet Faramir in Ithillen. Before they eat, the men of Gondor turn to the West.

We look towards Numenor that was, and beyond to Elvenhome that is and that which is beyond Elvenhome which will ever be.” Tolkien was religious but is careful to excise it from the ‘Lord of the Rings.’ But here is a passage that points to his belief in heaven.

Dear Gabriel,

I was reading a passage from a religious book with a friend. It said “view death not as an end but just changing homes.” It is a good thought, but you might go further. Death is not just changing homes because heaven is here now, all around us. If it exists, I don’t think that it is in some distant place up in the sky or in space. It is here now; it is as if you could stretch out and put your hand through that curtain in the room and it would be there.

Yours,

Doubting Thomas