The second week of Lent

I was talking to a priest in confession and as usual admitting my lack of progress with selfishness. Of course we cannot give up selfishness for Lent like we can give up chocolate. It is the very essence of our being. But he reminded me of the words of the Chief Rabbi that in pursuing religion thought we move away from selfishness. Here was a particularly powerful phrase. I turned it over and over in my mind during the night. And then next morning I had forgotten it entirely and try as I might for days it eluded me.

On Wednesday I was talking to a friend. He gave me some useful advice that we can give nothing to God. Obviously He needs nothing from us, whether he exists or not, but all we can do is to offer up our selfishness in trying to help others. Easier said than done.

On Thursday something I had to do the next day was irritating me. Then I listened to the story of Lazarus and Abraham. This always has a disturbing effect on me. Because the point is that the rich man was not a bad man. He did not do anything wrong. He just did not see Lazarus. I often feel I am like that.

And then on Friday, reading through an article by the Chief Rabbi, wading through it at last at the very end, almost giving up, I found the phrase: Faith is the redemption of solitude. The Chief Rabbi writes “I once described faith as the redemption of solitude. It sanctifies relationships, builds communities, and turns our gaze outward from self to other, giving emotional resonance to altruism and energising the better angels of our nature.”

As the second week in Lent came to an end on Saturday I dreamt that I had to take some important business colleagues to a vital meeting. But, as in dreams, I continued on wandering off on my own into a room and spending hours waiting and wasting time. I call it my “room” dream. Instead of getting on with the essence of things we waste time on superfluities and ourselves. In the dream, as a result of this time wasting, the business project goes disastrously wrong.