They observed the warning faithfully.
Though they discussed what rising from the deaf could mean.
Sometimes we can get an insight prayerfully.
But then truth can in an instant be seen.

I was reading this passage in a quiet pew.
The Apostles were perplexed.
It seemed so natural and true.
Faith comes and goes unannounced.

You can argue faith rationally.
You can debate back and forth in your mind.
But then something happens naturally.
You lose, you search, you find.

For a moment I was with the Apostles talking.
On that mountain after the light, wondering.

Haiku

Insight comes slowly
Then suddenly it is found
In unlikely ways

[See Matthew 17:5]

Harden not your hearts as at Meribah.
As at that day at Massah in the desert.
Our steps may take us far.
But at the end of our days there is little we can safely assert.

I love these words of the Ninety Fourth psalm.
They remind me of Matins at the Monastery.
Very early in the dark morning all is calm.
To another world I am on a ferry.

And they sum our own questioning.
And we will never be shown water gushing from a stone.
We will go on seeking.
If necessary alone.

But we never lose heart in trying.
Even if I’m not succeeding.

Haiku

Do our hearts welcome
Or do they harden often
A daily struggle

[Note: See today’s Psalm 94]

For forty years you shall bear the burden of your sins.
And you shall learn what it means to reject me.
And thus the lifetime haul begins.
I doubt if ever I shall be free.

The Israelites wandered for forty years.
I have struggled for seventy.
Absolute belief will not come however many tears.
Will it remain thus for another twenty.

I fear I will never get further than my own Mount Nebo.
Once indeed I did stand there.
All one sees is desert painted in ever shifting shades of yellow.
The land falls away into a vast depression, everything is bare.

So today I just sat in the Blessed Sacrament chapel.
And I found relief as I made my own appeal.

Haiku

We ourselves wander
It might be a long lifetime
In our own desert

[Note: See Numbers 13]

O God, come to my assistance.
O Lord , make haste to help me.
I only hear you faintly, even with persistence.
I can only make my plea.

It is not unusual for doubts to linger.
It is no shame to question your existence.
It makes our faith even stronger.
It is usual to seek assistance.

Faith is not a galleon sailing fairly.
It is a waterlogged raft.
But it can never sink entirely.
Light pierces the storm clouds like a shaft.

There are long periods of rocky silence.
Then at last a sense of calm balance.

Haiku

Faith is like a raft
Often very waterlogged
But never sinking

[Note: See Entrance Antiphon of today’s mass from ps. 69]

Here we are wasting away.
Stripped of everything.
Like them we cannot keep our nagging fears at bay.
All too often we are on a faltering downswing.

With all their incessant grumbling.
Moses lost patience with them.
But yet they still persevered with their wandering.
For somewhere was their hidden promised gem.

Like him we cannot carry this weight.
We cry out for a helping hand.
We wish we could wipe clean the slate.
But all we see is the desert’s sand.

But soon this wandering will end.
And we will surely be on the mend.

Haiku

A vast sea of sand
Endless pointless wandering
But surely it will end

[Note: See Numbers 11:4,15]

The whole community began to complain.
In the wilderness.
It spreads like a dark stain.
We seem to wallow in a cloying mental mess.

It is not so much a twilight of the soul.
As a deep depression.
As we read ourselves in with more and more toil.
It all seems to make less and less impression.

In this cold desert ever nearer.
Our minds wander in circles.
Truth seems ever further.
There are no miracles.

Then as we bury ourselves, reading.
We realise there is an end to this wandering.

Haiku

In the wilderness
We can just go on reading
It’s all we can do

[Note: First two lines based on Exodus 16:2-4, 12-15]