PSALM 1

He is like the tree that is planted beside the flowing waters.
That yields its fruit in due season.
With all nature we delight in our sons and daughters.
Sometimes it is instinct that is true not reason.

I dreamt that I was at a busy yet boring meeting.
Suddenly in my dream I was transported from it on a boat on a shimmering lake.
Now only to the calmness of nature could I give a greeting.
I just was, I did not have to make and I did not have to take.

The tree by the stream has a drink.
It does not move.
It does not think.
It is just there to soothe.

I awoke from my dream, I was back at that meeting.
Arguing.

A perfect wife, who can find her.
She is beyond the price of pearls.
I am her eternal debtor.
From that first meeting long ago my head swirls.

I know now love is blind.
Forty years later to me she is the most beautiful girl in the room.
With her my heart is entwined.
I love her love beyond any young beauty’s bloom.

That extraordinary beauty struck me first.
Now this deep set goodness keeps us close.
With parting I never lose this thirst.
But it’s her character I love the most.

Truly she cares for the needy and the poor.
This then is my amour.

Since she keeps pestering me I must give this widow what is her just rights.
Or she will persist in coming and worrying me.
Am I too the unjust judge, trying to keep out of her sight.
That’s why this parable always worries me.

But I know it’s about the value of prayer.
Keep asking.
To coldness of heart beware.
Keep persisting.

If the unjust judge can listen.
If even he can eventually act.
Surely God will to our aid hasten.
That may just be naive faith or if may be fact.

So in the long dark empty hours of night.
My cry will to him, I hope, remains in his sight.

It has given me great joy to find that your children have been living the life of truth.
As we were commanded by the Father.
Ambition festers in us like a sore tooth.
It binds us to pain with a tether.

Why do we crave power.
We hardly ever achieve it for long.
For even the greatest it is as illusory as seed cast on the rocks by the sower.
It gives no joy, only does us or others wrong.

It is creating things.
That gives us joy even as an amateur.
Poems, pictures, gardens, recipes, it is to these that happiness clings.
We need no skill, we can do just whatever we prefer.

If we are just true to ourselves.
Our lives will be happy although our life and work end up on no bookshelves.

The coming of the kingdom of God does not admit of obstruction.
And there is no one to say look here.
We seek restlessly the origin of creation.
We put trust in one then another elder.

We are lonely in our self centred ego.
But will not death release us and open up new horizons.
When our fortress walls we will bid adieu to our own virago.
We will indeed be someone fir all seasons.

With the death of the ego, the soul will be reborn.
The fall of our castle is a victory.
We can finally to love be sworn.
But this passing on is a mystery.

We stand at the edge of the precipice, afraid to open our wings.
But if we listen, a celestial wind sings.

But when the kindness and love of God were revealed.
It was not because he was concerned with any righteous actions, it was for compassion.
It is through mercy that our fate is sealed.
We need only look and we can understand this lesson.

We know that there is something immaterial, reason.
We know that it exists outside of us and time and breath.
Why then can’t I exist unbound by death in any Season.
If it exists outside time why too cannot our soul survive death.

We know that in nature everything dies.
And is constantly in new form reborn.
But our soul survives.
It is free of nature’s churn.

We feel this thing outliving existence.
It is within us as a joyous, hard to touch, yet profound sense.

Tuesday, 32nd Week in Ordinary Time

The older men should be reserved, dignified, moderate.
Sound in faith, love, and constancy.
I don’t know, am I always considerate.
Do I parade my views modestly.

The churches are closed again except for private prayer.
But actually with less action, there is more time to reflect.
Sitting alone with my conscience I peel away layer by layer.
And always there is something to detect.

One thing we always accept, every human is utterly unique.
And every human being has a self regarding conscience.
We alone, right or wrong, seek.
Lurking there, at our core, is always some remonstrance.

Always deep inside us is this forcibly reproachful protest.
And so we continue the quest.

Wherever the water flows all living creatures teeming in it will live.
Fish will be very plentiful for wherever the water goes, it brings health.
The cleansing water from the temple helps us strive.
The pure water gives spiritual wealth.

This water is truly wholesome.
How else when it comes from the sanctuary.
Swept away in its stream, ever changing, no one ever lonesome.
Cleansed by it, crossing the river Styx, we will have no need of a ferry.

The rivers Acheron, Cocylus, Lethe, Philegeton, and Styx all converge in a great marsh.
It is said thus we all arrive in the underworld.
This Greek philosophy is harsh.
But I have a vision of another river in another world.

The waters of our river give joy to God’s city.
All comes right with, to the weak, pity.

Wisdom is bright and does not grow dim.
By those who love her she is readily seen.
In my dreams I see truth at the world’s rim.
But sight in my dreams is all the more keen.

We are told that we believe that Jesus died and rose again.
And that it will be the same for all who have died in Jesus.
I see this truth as a tiny circle of light at the end of an overgrown lane.
We can only pray that one day this truth will seize us.

Wisdom may indeed be bright.
But will the oil in our prayer lamps last.
The oil needs refilling to maintain its light.
Hope must be in the future, doubt in the past.

Belief for me is a flickering light.
But trying to believe keeps joy bright.

I have learnt to manage on whatever I have.
I know how to be poor and I know how to be rich.
Possessions are only a temporary salve.
Like us they all end up in a ditch.

But we don’t want to be poor.
Perhaps not rich but we want to have enough.
Our fear of poverty is a running sore.
We have no intention of sleeping rough.

Fate will be kind.
And fate will be unkind.
But we can develop a peaceful mind.
With the help of the one who is never blind.

I am listening to Latin plainchant from the Abbey.
Calming, mysterium fidei, creating in one’s mind a spiritual abbey.

Second Lockdown

I rejoiced when I heard them say, let us go to God’s house.
And now our feet are standing within your gates.
The churches are empty save maybe for a lonely mouse.
No place then to meet our mates.

The churches were so cleansed.
The people so socially distant.
Yet the people are evicted.
I don’t think they knew what it meant.

We can still go to God’s house.
It is now in our mind.
Only disturbed by our thoughts, not the tiniest mouse.
Is it really all such a grind.

I will not be disturbed by anyone’s fidgeting.
But of course the mind will wander and I shall keep forgetting.

The Passing of a Soul

Rejoice with me.
I have found the sheep that was lost.
These beautiful leaves will all fall from the tree.
All life has in death its cost.

Cherish life yet accept death.
We can accept the law of double effect.
It can be as mistaken to artificially extend life as it is wrong to cause death.
Morphine to kill pain may allow us to die in peace even if a speedier death is the effect.

Everything we see, our whole world is dying.
Even the sun in its seeming permanence is dying.
Some things even in a day are passing.
Almost as soon as we arrive we are leaving.

But I trust palliative care will ease my passing.
And departing will lead to entering.

St Charles Borromeo

It is God for his own loving purpose.
Who puts both the will and action into you.
We all in life are given on eternity one purchase.
We all have a chance to take our place in the only worthwhile queue.

A man born to riches and power.
A cardinal at twenty one.
He chose to climb to the top of the spiritual not material tower.
He left no stone of religious reform undone.

And to his see.
Came English refugees from persecution.
They sought refuge under his loving lea.
Their fate at home bloody execution.

His example shows we can stand aside from worldly ambition.
To make a final and heartfelt rendition.

The first said I have bought land, please accept my apologies.
Another said I have bought oxen, please accept my apologies.
Perhaps we should place less hope in technologies.
And more hope in theologies.

We are late for the feast.
We should have gone.
We would not let it rise, the yeast.
Now we are alone.

The poor, the crippled.
The lame.
Will be there happily pickled.
Our chance has gone after it came.

But in this game we are always allowed to try again.
It never will be entirely broken, hope’s chain.

Their going looked like a disaster.
Their leaving us like annihilation.
We should not see death as our master.
This earth is not the only nation.

Covid has ended our services.
We asked the PM to think again.
His answer to assuage our nervousness.
In four weeks we could like a candle again.

I walked disconsolate to the Cathedral.
To find it socially distanced full and the doors shut.
Inside there were too many people.
It was a blow to my gut.

Well anyway our government will allow us to pray.
Let’s hope we can go to mass again before we go grey.

And then I heard how many were sealed.
A hundred and forty four thousand out of all the tribes of Israel.
How is this number revealed.
Is this truth visible or spiritual.

I prefer not to take this literally.
Is it just a convenient mathematical number.
Faith should be taken lyrically.
We all will be woken from death’s slumber.

Happy the pure in heart.
They shall see God.
I prefer to believe, we all have aright to play our part.
All of us have a right in his presence to be awed.

We all have the right to seek his face.
We all have the right to grace.

Life to me of course is Christ.
But then death would bring me something more.
My soul is enticed.
After this life I see before me an open door.

Should I welcome death, will it come early or late.
I have a one hundred per cent chance of meeting this rendezvous.
Why then fear Covid with a ninety nine per cent survival rate.
My meeting is anyway overdue.

I see the running stream before me.
In its cool waters I could submerge and soothe my fears.
But I will be patient, I will neither advance nor flee.
Fate will decide as well as passing years.

The gate is there but what lies beyond.
I do not know and never will until I cut this life’s bond.

Praise me the Lord, I will praise.
In the assembly of the upright and in the congregation.
But why would an almighty God want or need praise.
I may love Him but do I require praise from my beagle or an Alsatian.

How do I know He’s there anyway.
I cannot prove it.
Because I feel good because when in His church I stay.
But that could be some natural trick that the mind may permit.

But this I know, I feel His presence.
I cannot know if He really is there.
To feel the presence I just need patience.
All that is required is prayer.

So do not worry about what you can prove.
Enjoy what you feel and feel the joy move.

Grow strong in the Lord with the strength of his power.
Put God’s armour on so as to be able to resist the Devil’s tactics.
Can we hell’s power scour.
Is this reality or mere semantics.

Does hell exist as an entity.
Is the devil just within our own mind.
Are we just one identity.
Or do two forces good and bad grapple forever twined.

Is there a devil seeking our scalp.
Or is this just a figment of our own imagination.
Can we only defeat him with God’s help.
Is it possible to draw any deduction.

Only this do I know that evil exists and I am not alone.
It is only with help that I shall atone.

Jesus went out into the hills to pray.
And he spent the whole night in prayer.
But I forget prayer for much of the busy day.
Business is the snare.

Bed like the hills is a lonely place.
We lie in the stillness of the night.
Alone for a moment enveloped in his grace.
In the long patient wait for morning light.

And now to in this quiet country place.
I idly watch the branch swaying outside the cottage window.
The glass being lightly tapped in an autumn trace.
As restful as night’s pillow.

His prayer led him to call the apostles.
But I do not worry that is only in my own mind that I find disciples.

It is like a mustard seed.
It grew and became a tree.
Faith can sometimes feel like a broken reed.
But give it time and it will grow by gentle degree.

A crisis erupting so close.
My mind swirls, I prayed to Newman.
Immediately a sense unbidden of peace arose.
In a frail ship of peace I now was a crewman.

The seed you don’t have to see.
But it is there growing.
One day, like birds sheltering in the great branches of a tree.
Your fears and doubts there to will be resting.

Meanwhile I cannot do this on my own.
Into the quiet pool of prayer I can just cast my stone.

His leaf also shall not wither.
And whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
Beautiful autumn golds come hither.
Your leaves may fall now but in spring you will be all the stronger.

Do not concern yourself with winter’s bare bough.
Live now for autumn splendour.
Think not of feeling good but bring attention back to now.
Do not worry if you do it well, do it anyway, you are no offender.

In the long autumn night I attempted to be in the present.
My mind wandered to future worries, family and work.
I had tried and I had failed and lost the calming scent.
But the task I must not shirk.

Every time I try, I fail.
And then with prayer I repeat the call.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart.
And with all your soul and with all your mind.
How can we pierce the heart with love’s dart.
The mind calls yet we are blind.

What is the body save corruption halted for a day.
What is the mind but a mere extension of the body.
And what the soul is, we do not know we cannot say.
So all that is corporate dies, only the incorporate can survive, the soul to embody.

The secret of happiness is to live for the here and now.
Except not to try and live for the here and now.
We should live as if there was no future, neither calm nor a row.
We need just to plod on and follow the plough.

So we cannot be sure what heart or soul is or fathom our heart.
But unknowing we can try love for a start.

For three years now I have been coming to look for fruit and finding none.
Leave it one more year, it may bear fruit.
The truth is I am a long way from a home run.
Do I think it time to uproot.

It’s autumn, I look at my vegetable garden.
A few beans, some small potatoes, that’s all.
I wonder if I should just give up and ask for pardon.
Or am in this for the long haul.

Faith is like the vegetable patch.
It lies fallow, it grows, lives, withers and dies.
We start and return to scratch.
We have our lows and we have our highs.

But leave it one more year, dig round it and manure it.
It may bear fruit, if our time on earth permit.

I tell you you will not get out.
Till you have paid the very last penny.
I know now I will be paid for my doubt.
But I ask about the pennies, how many.

The future worries us.
We will all end up in purgatory.
I will try not to make a fuss.
But in my dream I saw myself trudging through an endless quarry.

I saw the priest far ahead in the queue.
His shoulders sloped as he was trudging.
We were both in the same stew.
We both received the same purgatorial mugging.

I can console myself and this I note.
We will most of us be in the same boat.